After a late spring and subsequently late summer, the Betster is finally starting to see some happy results, some telltale signs of Homer in the summer.
Wherefore art thou, nice weather? Hath Mother Nature forsaken us so easily?
According to a press release from WalletHub that popped up in the Betster’s email, the top-10 beach towns include Lahaina and Kihei, Hawaii, a whole mess of Florida beaches, and Westport, Connecticutt — but not one Alaska town. Holy sociology, Betsteroids!
Ya know what?
The dog days of summer are here, folks.
This past Monday, Homerites young and old took time to remember the veterans who gave their lives for everything we enjoy in this country — and, by extension, the Cosmic Hamlet by the Sea — today.
Blame it on a cold spring, a ripping and gnarly break up, or just being too darn busy, but the Betster has to admit the Memorial Day weekend has snuck up on Yours Truly. Book Kyra Wagner’s always-awesome Homer Farmers Market column? Oops. Hold a slot for Nick Varney’s laugh-out-loud Reeling ‘Em In feature? Thanks for the reminder, Nick. Print a “closed for the holiday” sign? Make it so.
“Skjdfsdan,” one of our hotshot reporters wrote as a draft lede to Best Bets. No, that’s not the French keyboard that Mr. Scarf Man got stuck in his head after his Paris vacation. That would be “azertyuiop.” We don’t know what skjdfsdan means. Maybe it could be:
Homer has really gone to the birds lately.
Our erstwhile editor escaped to Europe last month. Yes, he brought back chocolate, souvenirs and a copy of the Reykjavik Grapevine, a weekly newspaper in Iceland. The Grapevine has headlines like “Whale hunting to begin again in Iceland,” “Transcending Time and Space” and “Abandon Ship,” about Pirate Party leader Birgitta Jonsottir. In other words, it’s kind of like Homer, except the word for “airplane terminal” is umferoarmiostoo.
Spring has sprung!
“Are we out of the woods yet?”
“Here comes the sun — doo doo doo doo.”
Earlier this week the Betster drove by a big Bypass parking lot and saw sweepers in action. “Ruh-roh,” yours truly remembers thinking, “It’s going to snow.”
As we Alaskans know, living here brings many benefits: an Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend, no state sales or income taxes, and not being pulverized by chunks of Chinese spacecraft plunging to earth. Holy Fireball XL-5! Sometime this weekend, the experimental space station Tiangong-1 will come flaming down, perhaps on April 1.
The Betster saw something rather amusing the other day: a saying, proclaiming that “It’s like winter is really mad and keeps storming out of the room and then coming back yelling, ‘And another thing!’”
If you’re reading this online from your Maui vacation cottage, Betsteroids, congratulate yourself on escaping for spring break at the right time. Right after you caught the last plane out on March 9, a horrible blizzard blew in, burying downtown Homer in 6 feet of wet, sloppy snow. Eighty mph winds churned that into drifts 20 feet high, blocking the Sterling Highway at Main Street until the National Guard could bring in bulldozers to dig us out. As we write this, Pavehawk helicopters have been landing in the Safeway parking lot to bring in emergency supplies of milk, diapers and bread.
Parents, brace yourselves.
Was there ever a friend so fickle as the weather? The Betster thinks not.
The other night the Betster drew the short straw and had to cover one of those important community meetings instead of the cool literary event with Atz Kilcher and his new book.