Citizens, relax. There's no need to worry. Everything is fine. Just move along and pay no attention to that man in the hockey mask juggling bloody chainsaws. Please ignore the flocks of fairies, the jubilations of Jedis and the platoons of poltergeists. Those terrorists roaring by in tricked-out Toyotas are not insurgents with AK-47s, but punk teenagers with more paint ball guns than brains.

If some creepy ghoul knocks on your door Saturday night begging for favors, fear not. We had the big national election last year. You might see Former Governor You Know Who on Oprah dishing her million-dollar memoir, but she won't be pounding the pavement looking to defeat that evil socialist. That is like so 2012. Convicted felons oops! won't be trying to return to D.C. This fall there won't be anything scarier than an overpaid baseball team who hasn't seen the World Series in six years trying to redeem getting beaten by the Red Sox. Twice.

Holy Philadelphia! We're getting a triple threat this weekend: the World Series, Halloween and the Day of the Dead. If that's not enough to keep you on the edge of your seat, you might try taking a drive to Anchorage through a whiteout in Turnagain Pass. Not frightened yet? Check out the upcoming Homer City Council budget hearings.

In a world almost as scary as the Middle Ages swine flu was nothing like the Black Death who knows why we like to scare ourselves even further. Maybe it's like a vaccine: Expose yourself to fear you know is harmless and you'll be inoculated against the really bad stuff. Load up on canned goods for the Haunted Hickory, pick up an extra bag of scrumptious healthy snacks for the ghouls and goblins, and check out some of these Best Bets for the weekend:

BEST AHOY MATEY! BET: Did someone say "Haunted Hickory?" People plan vacations to Homer just to get scared at Homer's premier Halloween event. See the story on page 2 for all the good things our Coasties do for us. From 4-6 p.m. Friday it's Fright Lite for kids and the easily spooked, and from 6:30-11 p.m. it's Full Throttle Terror. Admission is two cans of food, donated to the Homer Community Food Pantry.

BEST SHARP KNIVES BET: Get out your razors and carve up ol' Jack Jack O'Lantern, that is. It's the 13th annual Bay Realty Pumpkin Carving Contest, when artists work their magic on a big orange fruit. Check out entries starting at 5:30 p.m. today and enjoy fun treats, drinks and cookies.

BEST BAR FLY BET: Get on your broomstick and fly around town for costume contests at the Salty Dawg, Alice's, Kharacter's and the Down East Saloon. All of the bars award cash prizes for the best costumes. Don't forget the Homer Broomball fundraiser at the Down East, too and hey, don't get drunk and keep it safe on the brooms, OK?