The book business is all abuzz at how fast our former governor cranked out her memoir. Holy word processors, Betsteroids! Sarah Palin wrote a 400-page book in four months. Back at the Rancho Notorious Famous Failed Writers Workshop, the Betster's old writing group, we were lucky if we could finish a book in a year.

The gov's flack said Sarah worked around the clock, but the Betster doesn't buy that. That's how the B. wrote college term papers. You can only last so long on No-Doz before footnotes become concrete galoshes, sinking you in the Hudson River of mangled prose.

When you do the math, though, Sarah averaged 3.3 pages a day. That's like three paragraphs an hour a day. If you can't write that fast, you might as well shoot your laptop.

Oh yeah, there's that other thing. Gov. Palin has a ghostwriter, some word wizard in California who can write as fast as Isaac Asimov used to, but without all the pesky science stuff. You can zip along if someone has your back to put in verbs and adjectives and stuff.

Hundreds of Homer writers try to steal time every day to make their art. It's pretty easy, if you think about it. You write one word, then another and then a few more words. Pretty soon you have a book, and people will come to your reading and big book party and everyone will have a great time, like at some of these Best Bets:

BEST YOU OTTER GO BET: It's Sea Otter Awareness Week, which means more than saying howdy to our local furry friends. For instance, what's ailing them? Kristin Worman of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service offers some insight from noon-1 p.m. today with "Investigating the Unusual Mortality Event" at the Alaska Islands and Ocean Visitor Center.

BEST CURLY PINKIES BET: Practice that classy British pinky move for the English Garden Tea from 2-5 p.m. Saturday at the Elks Lodge. Sip fine teas at the fundraiser for breast cancer research and treatment. Seldovia Village Tribe Health Center and South Peninsula Hospital sponsor the event.

BEST BEAM ME UP BET: You'll feel like you're on the Starship Enterprise in the new curved wing of South Peninsula Hospital. See what your tax dollars have been up to with a grand opening from 1-4 p.m. Sunday of the big addition to the hospital. Tour the rooms, sample refreshments and pick up valuable giveaways.

BEST BULLY BET: Teddy Roosevelt didn't just charge up San Juan Hill with the Rough Riders. As president, he fought for setting aside parks and wildlife refuges in America. Learn about Teddy R. when author and Roosevelt expert Douglas Brinkley speaks from 7-8 p.m. Saturday at the Alaska Islands and Ocean Visitor Center.

BEST HARD AGROUND BET: Relive the Exxon Valdez oil spill with a dramatazation of the disaster from Bligh Reef onward when Cyrano's Theatre in Anchorage presents "The Big One" at 7 p.m. Saturday at the Pratt Museum. Tickets are $10 at the Homer Bookstore or the museum.