The other day the Betster noticed a large, saucer shaped cloud hovering over Homer. Sometimes a cloud is just a cloud, but sometimes clouds are cleverly disguised alien mother ships, particularly if saucer shaped. This would explain a lot, because apparently half of Homer has been abducted by aliens. How else to explain why all the really important people the Betster needed to talk to for a really important story seem to have disappeared?
A slamming salmon run on the Kenai, you say? Reports of dipnet fishermen limiting out inside of two hours? A sudden upsurge in personal time off claimed as, um, critical doctor visits?
No, that would be too logical. Also too logical would be hard-working commercial fishermen saying they have another opening to catch and there are engines and nets to repair, dang it. Equally dubious are assertions that a planned vacation is being taken because life is too short not to take time off in the summer, especially this summer.
Nope. The Betster isn’t buying it. The Betster has a bumper sticker right here that says “There is a rational explanation for everything. There also is an irrational explanation for everything.”
The rational, science-based explanation that people are hard to reach because they actually have more important things to do than return a snoopy reporter’s phone calls — like, you know, enjoy summer — just seems suspicious. In normal years that explanation would not work, because when in the past decade has there been a summer worth enjoying? We Homerians save our vacation time for when it matters, like a trip to Maui in zero dark December.
Not this year. Apparently the lure of fish, warm sunny beaches right in our backyard and new adventures has overwhelmed us. Aliens have not abducted us. We have abducted ourselves.
So tap your XtraTufs together and say, “There’s no place like Homer,” and prepare to be sucked away. It’s summer and the time to enjoy it, perhaps with these Best Bets:
BEST OVER YOUR HEAD BET: Pier One Theatre’s latest play continues with the second weekend of “Swimming in the Shallows,” showing at 7 p.m. today through Sunday. Written by Adam Block and directed by Marc Oliver, the play follows four friends as they ponder materialism, marriage and relationships. Tickets are $14 at the door or the Homer Bookstore.
BEST STREETWISE BET: For one day you can seize back the streets from rumbling cars and trucks at the annual Homer Council on the Arts Street Faire, from 10 a.m.- 6 p.m. Saturday on Hazel Avenue by the library. Rain or shine, it’s bound to be fun with booths, music and activities. See related story.
BEST NO DIP BET: Get skunked dipnetting for reds? Don’t want to face the chaos up north? Get your fill of fresh Alaska seafood at the Homer Hockey Association’s seafood dinner from 4 to 8 p.m. Sunday at the Homer Elks Lodge. A meal is $15 a plate and includes beer.
BEST TOP OF THE DAY, GUV’NER: Give Gov. Sean Parnell a big Homer welcome and meet some of his cabinet next Thursday — that’s July 25 — from 4 to 7 p.m. for the Governor’s Picnic at Karen Hornaday Park. It’s part of a tradition going back to statehood when the governor holds a picnic for his or her fellow Alaskans. See related story.