Yo, Betsteroids, note the date on this issue. That’s right, it’s Feb. 7, a week out from National Strike Fear Into Men’s Hearts Day, more popularly known as “Valentine’s Day.” Fair warning, you romantic fools wishing to impress your sweetie with the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. Here’s the first rule of Valentine’s Day gifts. There is no perfect Valentine’s Day gift.
In the ever escalating Love Wars, you can never get the right thing. If it’s roses, you should have gotten two dozen flowers and not just one, and in a pale pink variety grown in an exotic hothouse in Bolivia. You did file the points off the thorns, didn’t you?
Being a seasoned veteran of many Valentine’s Days, the Betster offers this advice:
• There is no Love War. War is about hate and love is about, well, love and should not be about conflict. Love is usually enough.
• Sometimes you will stumble upon the perfect gift, but like love itself, it’s magic, no one really knows how it happens and if you could do it again, there would be no mystery.
• Chocolate often works in a pinch, especially dark chocolate.
• Wine isn’t a bad idea, either.
What really counts is a simple, intimate expression of your deepest, fondest love for the man/woman/sentient being who is obliging enough to let you live with him/her/it. Practice these words: “I love you.” Then give him/her/it a nice box of chocolate. The Betster won’t guarantee this will get you a kiss, but it’s highly probable you won’t be sleeping in the dog house. Show your sweetie some love this week, perhaps with these Best Bets:
BEST WILD WINTER BET: Rain, snow, ice and sleet, it’s been one wild ride this winter. Kick off the winter blues with the annual Homer Winter Carnival starting today. The big events include the parade at noon Saturday and ice racing on Beluga Lake — well, maybe. See the full schedule on pages 12 and 13.
BEST GIVE ’EM HECK BET: Now that the Alaska Legislature has started, it seems like no matter your political persuasion they’re bound to do something to ruffle feathers. Want to check in with the Kenai Peninsula legislators and voice your opinion? Stop by the Legislative Information Office from 6 to 7 p.m. today for a constituent teleconference with District O senators and representatives.
BEST GOSH DARN IT BET: Not ready to part with that pair of wool socks grandma knit for you? Save those socks with Sock Darning 101 from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Saturday at the Knitty Stash on Main Street. Bring holey socks, yarn, a darning needle and a lightbulb. A lightbulb? Well, you’ll find out.
BEST BIG IDEAS BET: Share your ideas and get a free lunch — that sounds like a deal. The Pratt Museum wants your ideas for its People and Place exhibit planned for the new building in an Exhibit Planning Workshop from noon to 1:30 p.m. Friday at the museum. Exhibit planners will be on hand to listen. Lunch is provided. RSVP to email@example.com to get materials ahead of time.
BEST GET IT RIGHT BET: We’re a DIY kind of town — that’s do it yourself — but when you’re talking natural gas, well, you don’t want to get that wrong. Learn about code requirements for converting to natural gas appliance at a Plumbing and Heating Contractor’s Code Meeting from 1 to 3 p.m. Wednesday at the Best Western Bidarka Inn. Enstar Natural Gas representatives will be on hand.
BEST WORDS TO FILM BET: Wonder how fiction becomes film? As part of the Big Read for “The Things They Carried,” at 6 p.m. today at the Homer Public Library, Homer writer Rich Chiappone presents “Echoes of the Vietnam War in Literature and Film,” a talk about how his short story, “Raccoon,” which takes place during the Vietnam War, was made into a short film. The film also is shown.